The title question refers to the song, not the husband. Scott has this endearing little habit of saying, when I’ve called him on some sort of undesirable behavior on his part that he’s just exhibited for the ninety-gazillionth time, “That’s why you love me.” To which I invariably I respond, “No. That’s NOT why.” So last year I wrote this song to make it clear to the man once and for all why I do, in fact, love him.
When I first conceived of the song, I knew I wanted it to be an old-timey waltz, almost a showtune in its earnestness, juxtaposed against the lyrics which were not at all sentimental, as songs of that type usually are. The final line of each verse is something I’ve said to Scott more than once, because it’s also true, since I’ve only been married once, that he’s simultaneously the least funny husband I’ve ever had, and I find the implication funny. But that may just be me. But in all seriousness, the personal ad that caused us to meet over two decades ago promised me a “talkative, humorous male” and that’s exactly what I got. Which is no doubt why we’re still at it.
It took me a year to get back to that first draft, and I finished the final draft back in March. I haven’t done much with it in the four months since, because I’m not sure if it’s cute and funny and will make the audience laugh as I intended, or if they just won’t get it. Years ago, in one of my early songwriting efforts, I wrote (what I thought was) a funny relationship song called “Hey You!” about a woman trying to get her man to open up and talk to her via the time-honored-but-rarely-successful method of badgering him about it. It’s a musical version of “Whatcha thinking about?” And while individuals I played it for were invariably highly amused, when I played it for a larger audience, it always fell flat, and never got the laugh. Which is a problem, because if no one’s laughing at your funny song, then you’ve failed to write one. So I stopped playing it out. I have other funny songs, including “The Ballad of the Cubicle Dweller” and “What Part of ‘No’ Seems to be Confusing You,” and people enjoy them, but they’re sometimes hard to fit in with my sad songs about people who have died, and angry songs about jerks who done me wrong. Still, I wanted some lighter options, and you can always use a short song to fill in a set. So that’s why I haven’t debuted it before now; but I’m not quite ready to relegate it to the “Nice try” vault, either.
So I recorded a quick demo tonight, and I’m asking for your input, via this handy-dandy poll below, and/or you can leave a comment. Lyrics are below, and you can hear the song by clicking on the title. Whaddayathink?
Jewelry and poetry can woo
but that is not why I love you
True, you’re handsome and smart
but you won my heart
by being the funniest husband I’ve ever had.
You’re an expert at cracking wise
make me giggle ’til tears fill my eyes.
You’re too funny by half,
make me snort when I laugh
‘Cause you’re the funniest husband I’ve ever had.
Why do I love you?
It isn’t because you gave me a rose.
It’s because you made me laugh so hard
milk came out my nose.
I’ll be yours as we gray and grow old
each day will be comedy gold
Valentino you’re not
but witty men make me hot
and you’re still the funniest husband I’ve ever had.