Posted in Commentary, Creations, Lessons Learned

“We have art in order not to die of the truth.” -Nietzsche

When I meet people I like, I usually assume that we are going to be friends forever. I know perfectly well that it probably won’t work out that way, because it rarely has, but I am very much like a dog in that respect: everyone I meet could be my new best friend, and I am loyal like a retriever. Especially those ones that sit at the graveside and will not be moved. My friendships do not usually end with explosions; they fade away almost imperceptibly (to me), and I sit loyally beside the grave of a dead friendship for quite awhile before I finally realize that my friend is not coming back to me. I’m not clueless that it’s happening; I just want to interpret it other than it is.  It’s a combination of wishful thinking, futile hope, and benefit of the doubt, I think.  It’s happened more than once…more than twice…more than a few times; I’m just wired that way, I guess. I don’t like to give up on friends, and it hurts to acknowledge that they’ve given up on me.

Back in August, as I was pondering just such an end that had come to pass and I could no longer deny it, an end I’d seen coming from a long way out, and another in the same vein, this thought went through my mind: I think I’m finally ready to give up on you.

The thought hit me with such finality that I realized that that’s what I’d been waiting for; the moment the thought formed, I realized I was setting myself free from hoping, from wondering, from caring anymore. It also hit me as a really good start to a song. At the time, I’d been trying to write an “important” song about something political, and it wasn’t going very well. And then I had this thought, one that sprang from real emotion, and the song practically wrote itself, a good lesson for me as a would-be songsmith.

So here it is, with a demo recording for the full audio/textual experience.  I hope you enjoy it.

Give Up On You © 2012 Kristie Cunningham

I didn’t realize
you were dropping a hint
I was giving you
the benefit of my doubt
I guess it was obvious
and I’m a little ashamed
that it took me so long
to figure it out

I don’t like to be hasty,
but I know this is long overdue
and as much as pains me to say it, I think
I’m ready to give up on you
I’m ready to give up on you
Ready to give up
ready to give up
ready to give up on you

I tried for awhile
hoping it was just a lull
but I can’t keep
us together alone
the silence and the distance
are beyond me to bridge
What happened anyway?
That’s the big unknown

I don’t like to be hasty,
but I know this is long overdue
and as much as pains me to say it, I think
I’m ready to give up on you
I’m ready to give up on you
Ready to give up
ready to give up
ready to give up on you

I can’t always be the one who’s waiting
I can’t be the only one who tries
I’ve never been good with things being over
But I get it now, and this is goodbye

I will always wonder
how you’re doing now
and despite my best efforts
to forget
I’ll always love you
a little more than I should
a place in my heart
you hold yet

I don’t like to be hasty,
but I know this is long overdue
and as much as pains me to say it, I think
I’m ready to give up on you
I’m ready to give up on you
Ready to give up
ready to give up
ready to give up on you

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Author:

I've been doing some form of creative writing since 9th grade, and have been a blogger since 2003. Like most bloggers, I've quit blogging multiple times. But the words always come back, asking to be written down, and they pester me if I don't. So here we are. Thanks for reading.

8 thoughts on ““We have art in order not to die of the truth.” -Nietzsche

  1. If anyone reading this doubts for a second Kristie’s words concerning not giving up on folk I can attest to the fact that she sticks by people through better or worse. You’ve seen me go through the worst experiences of my life, had me disappear on you for ages, and you’re still there. It shouldn’t take you writing a post like this for me to say this, but I love you lady.

  2. I’m the same way with friendships. Even 20, 30 years later I find myself wishing I could pick up the phone and connect with someone the way we used to. It feels so naive, but — as you said — it’s just the way I’m wired. Good song, too!

  3. i never really know they are ending. i just consider a down time or an extended absence as part of the ebb and flow of long friendships. then one day i realize it’s been years since i spoke to that person and i realize more than likely we’ve both changed enough in the interim that there’s a good chance we wouldnt be friends if we met today.

    then there are those friendships that start out with one party thinking the other is a redneck in need of a slap. those things are like good old hound dogs. they never die.

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