Back in March, a Florida State Rep. Scott Randolph, a Democrat, called out Republicans during a debate on a union-busting bill regarding their situational respect for the tenets of minimal government interference and regulation. He said his wife was interested in incorporating her uterus, as it was the only way to keep Republicans out of her business, since they are all up in it otherwise.
Showing the classic GOP traits of entirely missing the point, a complete inability to recognize irony, and getting totally hysterical (pun intended) about the mention of body parts, especially those belonging to lady-type persons and theoretically involved in s-e-x, the House GOP spokeswoman Katie Betta took Randolph to task for using “inappropriate language” in front of visitors, guests, and young persons in the gallery. I mean, I can totally see her point. While in most of the civilized world, the word “uterus” is no more inappropriate than the word “alveoli,” in Florida, I guess the appropriate term is…well, shit…I don’t know any other words for “uterus.” I guess they cover it under “uh…you know…down there.” If you want to get all technical ‘n’ stuff…you know being knowledgeable about human anatomy is just slutty, right?
Nonetheless, while no doubt Representative Randolph and his wife were making a humorous point, and being pointedly humorous, it’s not a terrible idea, really. If House Republicans at the state and federal levels consider business the holiest of holies, ideally fiercely protected by government and free to pursue the American dream unfettered by same; and because those same Republicans seem bound and determined to decide what I and other women can and cannot do regarding our own sexuality, fertility, and reproduction, regardless of the fact that most of them have no uteri of their own; it seems the only logical step is provide my womb with those protections they offer freely to any corporation.
Therefore, and with the help of the Florida ACLU, I have made the move to incorporate my uterus as a limited liability company, which I understand is suitable for companies with a single owner, and despite what some political busybodies think, I AM the sole owner and proprietor of my uterus, plus all branch offices and subsidiaries. And I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
I can’t wait for my rabid Republican defenders to protect the sovereignty of my completely self-regulating uterus engaging in the free market however it chooses (oh, I get tingly thinking of all the mergers, acquisitions, partnerships!) whilst simultaneously hurling huge wads of cash in the form of tax breaks in my uterus’ direction. It’s going to be awesome.