Posted in Commentary

All that

So we’re pulling into the Albertson’s after work the other night to pick up comestibles cheesy and otherwise, and are brought up short by a car at a complete stop straddling both lanes of the throughway.  We wait, (because what else are you going to do when someone is blocking the way?), and we wait long enough that we are able to determine what is preventing the driver’s timely egress from our path and the parking lot.

Seems young miss is engrossed in some reading material, namely, a bag of chips.  From the evident concentration she displays, oblivious as she seems to be to the fact that people are waiting for her, it appears that she must be examining the Nutrition Facts on the back of the chip bag.

At this point, I hear a click in my head, and turn to Scott in full-on rant mode, because, are ya kiddin’ me here?  You bought a bag of chips.  If you were really that concerned about what you were eating, the chips would’ve never made it into the cart to begin with.  If you’re in the store thinking, “My body is a temple, and I wish to choose only those food items that will ultimately result in greater strength, better eyesight, and a clear colon,” your next action is probably NOT to saunter down the potato chip aisle.

Thinking people will agree on this.

So what can be gained from reading the nutritional information (such as it is) on a bag of chips, other than to ruin your good time?  You’re not going to find anything there that is going to make you happy, not from a nutritional standpoint, anyway.  All you’re going to find is a protein content surpassed (by a fair margin) by the gnat you accidentally inhaled last night, and a fat content that is likely to make you feel guiltier with every crunch, if you’ve paid any attention to popular wisdom (such as it is) in the last hundred years.  And we all know how much fun and hilarity a good self-induced guilt trip can be.

Here’s a thought.  You’re a grown-up, ostensibly.  You holistically understand the nutritional value of the average potato chip, and how it rates in the vegetable universe as compared to a bag of raw carrots or a plate of steamed broccoli.  You’re not unaware.  You are not confused.  You choose to buy and eat chips because you like chips.  Why not leave it there?  Why not eat your chips and enjoy them?  And why not drive your damn car out of my way because I’d like to get home this century?

There now, isn’t that better?

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Author:

I've been doing some form of creative writing since 9th grade, and have been a blogger since 2003. Like most bloggers, I've quit blogging multiple times. But the words always come back, asking to be written down, and they pester me if I don't. So here we are. Thanks for reading.

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