Posted in Desert Life

Beat it, kid


“Keep it moving, pal!”


“We don’t serve your kind here…on yer way.”

“What? Why?”

“This is a hummingbird feeder. Hummingbirds only.”

“I’m a hummingbird.”

“You are not.”

“No, wait…I’m TOTALLY a hummingbird, just having a little snack here. Mmm—tasty.”

“Dude, you are NOT a hummingbird.”

“Sure I am. Listen: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. See? Whaddaya call that?”

“I call that ‘bullshit.’ Get going.”



“Well, I AM a hummingbird. But for argument’s sake, if I weren’t a hummingbird (which I SO am), you know that not letting me eat here would totally be discrimination, right?”

“Dude, there’s no argument to be had; you’re a woodpecker. And as the owner and manager of this establishment, I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. Especially known trouble-makers. ”

“Wha-? What trouble am I making? Er, I mean, if I WERE a woodpecker (which I am SO not), what trouble could I possibly be making?”

“You and your bastard friends have been pecking holes into my house for the last 4 years, and you know it. Federal law is the only thing keeping you from having a rear-end full of bbs; I’m not about to serve you a meal. Get out of here. Now. You’re bogarting my feeders, and my hummingbirds are getting cranky—can’t you hear them?



“Well, if you’re going to get loud about it…fine, I’ll go…I know where I’m not wanted…hmmmmmmm…”

“Don’t. Even.”



I've been doing some form of creative writing since 9th grade, and have been a blogger since 2003. Like most bloggers, I've quit blogging multiple times. But the words always come back, asking to be written down, and they pester me if I don't. So here we are. Thanks for reading.

3 thoughts on “Beat it, kid

Your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s