“Keep it moving, pal!”
“What?”
“We don’t serve your kind here…on yer way.”
“What? Why?”
“This is a hummingbird feeder. Hummingbirds only.”
“I’m a hummingbird.”
“You are not.”
“No, wait…I’m TOTALLY a hummingbird, just having a little snack here. Mmm—tasty.”
“Dude, you are NOT a hummingbird.”
“Sure I am. Listen: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. See? Whaddaya call that?”
“I call that ‘bullshit.’ Get going.”
“But…”
“Go.”
“Well, I AM a hummingbird. But for argument’s sake, if I weren’t a hummingbird (which I SO am), you know that not letting me eat here would totally be discrimination, right?”
“Dude, there’s no argument to be had; you’re a woodpecker. And as the owner and manager of this establishment, I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. Especially known trouble-makers. “
“Wha-? What trouble am I making? Er, I mean, if I WERE a woodpecker (which I am SO not), what trouble could I possibly be making?”
“You and your bastard friends have been pecking holes into my house for the last 4 years, and you know it. Federal law is the only thing keeping you from having a rear-end full of bbs; I’m not about to serve you a meal. Get out of here. Now. You’re bogarting my feeders, and my hummingbirds are getting cranky—can’t you hear them?
“Um…hmmmmmmmmmm?”
“GET THE HELL OFF MY FEEDER BEFORE I GET THE HOSE!”
“Well, if you’re going to get loud about it…fine, I’ll go…I know where I’m not wanted…hmmmmmmm…”
“Don’t. Even.”
This is so cute. The Gila Woodpeckers have been visiting our hummingbird feeder, too. I think they’re experiencing an identify crisis.
:chuckles::
i say screw federal law.
Could be a Texas-sized hummer….